The Suzuki method is based on the knowledge that every child learns to speak their mother tongue language. Take a moment to think about how children learn to speak.
They don't take formal lessons.
There isn't time set aside to practice learning how to talk.
Children listen and observe and are encouraged by their parents through saying the same words over and over again.
Children develop at different rates and different ages.
We as parents, don't necessarily put pressure on ourselves to teach our child to speak. We assume they will figure it out when they are ready.
We then don't put pressure on children to learn how to speak, as they often do figure it out when they are ready.
The process of learning to speak is done so very naturally in its own time. Even though we know children can learn to play the violin just as they learn to speak their mother tongue language, it is different creating a pressure free environment when it comes to learning the violin. In comparison:
children take formal lessons
time is set aside each day to practice
parents may/may not be modeling playing the violin to their child or listening daily to music
Some things we may do, but might not realize or mean to do...
we set expectations on how fast or slow one should progress and can even base this on their age
we put pressure on our children to practice
we as parents put pressure on ourselves to get children to practice
we compare our child and their progress to others
So how do we create a pressure free learning environment for kids in practice and in the lesson?
A pressure free learning environment for OUR KIDS, starts with creating a pressure free environment FOR OURSELVES.
My #1 way to relieve pressure on ourselves as parents is to BE PRESENT.
When we are present, we are not distracted.
When we are present, we are focused completely on the task at hand.
When we are present, our child feels our presence and our attention.
When we are present, we are better able to rise to our child's level, appreciate where they are today and help them learn.
When we are present, we are open to creativity and play
When we are present, we are aware of our environment
When we are present, we are aware of our thoughts and feelings
Fulfillment in practice, and in LIFE, comes from being present.
What else can we do to relieve pressure during practice time?
Understand that we all have good days and bad days. Your child isn't trying to be difficult or to manipulate you or make you miserable. They may just be having a bad day or feeling off. It is our job to respect this and be understanding.
Be clear in our intentions and set boundaries on what will/will not happen until practice is complete.
Base practice around the child's interests and take this time to PLAY while LEARNING together.
DON'T EVER COMPARE PRACTICE AND A CHILD'S PROGRESS TO ANOTHER CHILD
Start with the smallest positive
Respect your child's musical journey and give them choices
End the practice with a bow and a hug and praise their effort (and your own).
If something hasn't been going well with practice or is being neglected, make a plan to talk and be honest with one another! Yes, do this even with the little ones!
IN THE LESSON
The Suzuki Method is based on the Parent, Teacher and Child Triangle. All three roles are vital especially in starting children so young. But it is all too easy for a child to feel pressure from both Teacher and Parent if we aren't careful. One way to relieve some of this pressure is for parents to be passive in the lesson. If teacher and parent are both speaking to the child and asking them to do things at the same time, this inevitably puts a lot of pressure on a child. They will most likely shut down and not want to participate.
MY TRUTH
It is SO HARD to be the parent in a lesson and not react or say anything. I am currently helping my daughter with remote kindergarten classes and it would be all to easy to get after her for not sitting in her seat, not participating when she knows the answer, helping her when she feels shy and commenting on every little behaviour that I think she should or shouldn't have. Or when my daughter performs her violin; I instinctively want to fix every little posture setup, but she just wants to play and share her music and not have mom picking out every little thing! When I interfere, she feels embarrassed and then acts out, which in turn frustrates me further until we are locked in a vicious circle. NOW, I am constantly reminding myself to take a step back, to be present, find the positive in the moment, and ignore everything else. IT IS HARD! BUT...
"When you focus on the good, the good gets better." - Abraham Hicks
TO CONCLUDE
Being present doesn't just apply to teaching children the violin and establishing daily practice. It has been an incredible reminder as a parent. When I am completely present as a parent, power struggles and difficult behaviours lessen in our house. Only when I am prepared as the parent, am I capable of providing a pressure free learning environment for my children, in the lesson, in the practice and in our daily lives.
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