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Parents can help their child find focus in the lesson by helping them feel prepared. This starts with practicing daily at home, listening to the Suzuki repertoire, playing through the review pieces and completing assignments from the teacher. It is also important to talk about expected behaviour in the lesson. This can be behaviour that is expected from the teacher but also from the parent. This can start with entering and leaving the lesson quietly. Talk about getting the violin unpacked and ready for teacher to tune and placing the binder on the stand. Talk about all the things you want to show or ask the teacher at the lesson.
There is a quote somewhere from Shinichi Suzuki about how,
"Parents should be like wallpaper" in the lesson.
I think this is true to an extent.
It can be very overwhelming in the lesson to have multiple adults expecting of a young child (or really at any age... I think we all can identify with feeling pressured in certain situations, and the more people present and speaking to us, the worse it can feel). If both parent and teacher are talking to the child trying to get them to focus on something, they will most likely tune out, act out, or retreat.
A child cares so much about what their parent has to say about them and how they act around them. They are so sensitive to everything we do. If the parent feels stressed in the lesson, the child can feel this. If the parent feels uncomfortable or is placing pressure on the child, the child can feel this. It is important to take stock as the adult and the parent and think about what kind of energy we are bringing to the lesson. If the parent feels relaxed and prepared for the lesson and is willing to be openminded and flexible with where the child may be at, there is opportunity for the child to feel relaxed and be ready to learn.
The parent/child relationship is very different from the teacher/child relationship, and yet both are essential. I think that parents should be passive in the lesson, although, it can be helpful to whisper reminders to the student at appropriate times throughout the lesson if needed. Little reminders can help a child get back on track if expectations are being set outside of lesson time and conversations regarding behaviour are being had at home. It is important that these are done in such a way as not to embarrass the child. Keep the exchange, if necessary at all, quick and to the point. If it works, great! If it doesn't, you can discuss more in the car after the lesson.
Otherwise, if a parent notices a child is unfocused in the lesson, most likely the teacher sees it as well. What I try to do in the lesson is instead of bringing attention to the lack of focus, is trying to redirect the focus. We can redirect focus in the lesson and the practice by changing activities, moving our bodies, discovering something new, listening to the music or having a quiet chat.
I also think it is important to point out that behaviours outside our expectations aren't bad behaviours. There are no bad students and they aren't doing anything bad. A student simply hasn't been taught or hasn't learned the desired behaviour yet.
I think it is also important to point out that young students are little humans full of big emotions and big thoughts and big ideas. They don't always know how to express themselves and can get lost in their own heads and not always have control over their bodies. They can easily feel overwhelmed. They can easily feel tired and hungry and just not in the mood. We as adults can feel all this too.
When we expect perfection, we are setting ourselves up for disappointment and frustration. Instead, we can try to ride the waves of practice, lessons, and classes, focus on the journey and the time spent together and keep looking for the good moments, no matter how small.
When you focus on the good, the good gets better.
Help your child feel supported by finding the good they did in the lesson or the practice session, even if it seemed like a whole bunch of silly. Somewhere, something good happened. If you as the parent can't see it, ask the teacher. Most likely the teacher has a different perspective (as they are use to all sorts of shenanigans in the lesson!). Keep searching for the good, notice it, encourage it, and then point out something you are going to work on together for next time.
Another important question I've been asked recently is...
"If the parent/child dynamic is so complex in practice and the lesson, would it just be easier for the parent to not be present?"
It is true, children behave different when their parent is not present. They can even behave better and have more focus when the parent is not present. So why bother?
Young children need support with such a complex instrument. The violin has many components that need to be set up and taken care of. It is a lot for an adult to learn the proper care of the instrument let alone trusting a 3 year old, for example, to learn this on their own. Young children also do not know how to establish and set up a practice routine (many adults struggle too!). With the help of mom/dad at home, we are better able to set a student up for success in learning the instrument.
More importantly though, the Suzuki method allows for moments in a child's life where parent and child are working together, struggling together and overcoming together. It is a way to spend a few minutes everyday not only learning about the violin, but learning about each other and strengthening your relationship.
Think about the last week or even the last day. What true quality time did you spend with your child/children? Did you have a chance to truly talk to them, to work with them, to learn with them, to discover something new with them? Maybe you did and that's amazing! Maybe you didn't, and that's ok too. It is too easy to be busy. It is too easy to be distracted. It is too easy to get stuck in the routine and the mundane and let moments pass you by. Moments to connect.
Practicing the violin offers moments to connect with your child. If a parent isn't present for the lessons and the classes and can't help with practice, they are missing opportunities for connection. When you practice daily, you are making a daily promise to connect with your child. These are moments that you will never regret or forget when your child is old enough that they don't need you anymore. And yet, the connection will always remain. The connection will be the glue that holds you together when life has other plans. All it takes is just starting with a few minutes everyday.
To summarize - you can help your child focus in the lesson by:
helping them feel prepared for the lesson
talking about expected behaviour before the lesson
parents taking a passive approach in the lesson
whispering quick and quiet reminders in the lesson
reviewing your own expectations and behaviours as a parent
looking for the good in lesson
connecting daily through practice
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